Breathe
by Swift tales
Summary: EricRyan slash I wrote this because I think there really is chemistry between Eric and Ryan and that there aren't enough fics about them around. I wasn't sure what rating to pick, so to be on the safe side I rated it M because of Slash


St: I've never written a CSI: Miami fanfic before, so this is my first one. Please be kind when you review.

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: Miami, I'm not making any profit off this.

Breathe

_Breathe in….Breath out….Breathe in….Breathe out. _

It was a mantra in his head, he kept repeating it to himself as if he'd forget how to breathe or forget the process of breathing. It was in the back of his head, mostly. It came forward on only a few occasions, like now.

_Breath in….Breathe out…. Breath in…. Breathe out. _

He tried to push it back to the dark recesses of his mind where he could just ignore it and continue with his job, his life. It only came forward on some occasions and that told him too much. Told him too much of what he wanted and could never have.

When the occasion arose he could feel it in his chest, his struggle to breathe and then the thought came forward. It helped him relax and act normal but even so he tried to ignore it because the fact that he needed it to act calm and relax meant too much.

He's bending forward over the microscope, concentrated on a small piece of fibber and ignored the swelling in his chest. He took a deep breath, trying to ease the pain when a hand settled on his shoulder and he could feel the body heat even through three layers of clothing.

"Are you okay, Ryan?"

He nodded quickly, restraining himself from brushing off the hand, because it would surely draw attention and that was the last thing he wanted.

"I'm fine."

But he made the mistake of looking up at that moment and he froze up and he couldn't move. He was anything but fine.

"Ryan?"

The warm hand never moved.

"I… I…"

He couldn't speak and he just stuttered and stammered and he really didn't know what to say.

_Breath in…. Breathe out…. Breathe in…. Breathe out. _

Eric was worried, really worried, as he looked at the younger man before him. The brown eyes were slightly dazed and the brown hair was plastered all over his forehead and Eric had to restrain himself from pushing back the locks tenderly and resting a kiss on the flushed skin. Ryan seemed unable to speak and did a faltering step backwards.

"I… I… I've got to go."

And the younger man practically flew out of the room. Eric toyed with the idea of following him and see if he really was okay but decided to let it go. If Ryan needed to be alone, for whatever reason, Eric was going to respect that. He'd find out what was going on later.

Eric sighed and turned to the microscope, only paying attention half heartedly when his mind kept lingering on Ryan. "Eric?" Startled, he looked up and smiled. "You needed something H?" The older man smiled softly and gave him a look with his piercing blue eyes. "Why don't you go home? Shift ended three hours ago, you should go home and get some rest." "I don't know, H, I want to finish this." "I already sent Ryan home, you should go home too, this case isn't going to be solved overnight and you need to get some sleep" Eric sighed and nodded. "Alright then."

After saying goodbye to his supervisor annex friend he walked through the halls of the lab and moved to the locker room. He changed his clothes, got into his car and started the drive home. He was only two blocks away from his apartment building before he turned right instead of left. Before he knew it he was standing in front of Ryan's condo, his hand raised to ring the doorbell.

He hesitated only for a minute before he pushed the button. The ring was clear and cut through the silence inside the house like a knife. Five minutes later Ryan opened the door, looking tired and haggard and paled when he saw Eric.

"Hey, Ryan, just came to check if you were alright." "I'm fine." You sure?" "Yes."

There was a silence and Eric saw Ryan yank the edge of his shirt in a nervous gesture and Eric smiled softly. "Do I make you nervous, Ryan?" "What? No, no you don't make me nervous." Eric smiled again as he made a step forward, invading the younger man's personal space. "I think I do make you nervous." Ryan put a step backwards. "You don't." Eric smiled wider and put another step forward, completely entering the house and shutting the door behind him with his foot. "Why do I make you nervous Ryan?"

The young man stammered and shook his head, still denying that Eric didn't make him nervous, but when Eric leaned forward he nearly yelped and jumped back. Eric, however, stepped forward and wrapped an arm around Ryan's waist, pulling the other man's body flush with his. Ryan's breathing hitched.

"Ryan…"

Ryan shivered, he could feel Eric's hot breath on his lips and it was tearing him to pieces. A part of him wanted to reach out and press his mouth to Eric's and kiss the other man senseless. Another part of him wanted to step back, break the contact and forget this ever happened. But it seemed the decision was not up to him.

Eric's lips crashed into his and he gasped in shock, allowing the Cuban to plunder his mouth.

Eric heard Ryan moan and felt the younger man sag against him. He tightened his hold on Ryan's waist and let his other hand come up to run through the soft strands of Ryan's hair. The kiss was hard, almost bruising in its intensity and Ryan was overwhelmed by the surge of emotion that came from Eric, rolling off him in waves. Eric on the other hand surged forward, trying to almost inhale Ryan, the moment he'd kissed him something inside of him had hummed to life and he couldn't remember feeling like this.

He couldn't remember feeling this alive.

He couldn't remember feeling this complete.

When they parted Eric rested his forehead against Ryan's. They were silent, until Ryan tore away from him. "What do you think you are doing?" Eric blinked, not understanding the sudden shift in atmosphere, not understanding the sudden animosity resounding from the other man.

Ryan glared and bared his teeth. "You think you can just come in here and…and…" The young man faltered and went silent yet remained his glare. "Ryan?" Eric asked, reaching out, but Ryan stepped back and shook his head, ignoring the fact that they were still standing in the hallway.

"You're not… you can't… you cannot want this, Eric." Eric frowned slightly, taking another step forward and silently cheering inside when Ryan didn't step back. "Why not Ryan?" "Because…" The younger man seemed to shake his head. "You like women… you've always liked women."

"I do," Eric said, taking another step forward but being silently disappointed when Ryan did take a step back this time. ", but I like you too. I want you, Ryan." Ryan shook his head. "You want someone who's OCD is so bad, he can't even physically leave the house if even one little detail is misplaced. You want someone who tries to straighten out the sheets when he gets up every morning even when there is someone else in the bed. You want someone who has to clean the house from top to bottom everyday or else he can't go to bed. You want someone who can't possibly be what you want."

The small tirade left Ryan even more drained then he'd been when he opened the door. The young man shook his head and Eric could see a shudder rack through the lean form. "Ryan…" he hesitated, contemplating each word carefully. "… I… I'm not sure how I'm going to handle all of that stuff, I really don't. But I'll find a way to work around that, no, we'll find a way to work around that."

Ryan shook his head and opened his mouth to speak but Eric stopped him by lunging forward and kissing him again. The kiss was different then the first one, this was soft, gentle, careful. Eric wrapped his arms around Ryan's waist and pulled the man closer. He nipped at Ryan's lips and Ryan's mouth opened for him. With his tongue Eric made a mental map of Ryan's mouth, he drank the younger man in, needing this contact as bad as he needed air.

Ryan's head swam, the logical, obsessive, OCD part of his brain coming up with every possible explanation as to why this would never work. It told him Eric would leave him, leave him heartbroken just like everyone else had done. Eric wouldn't be able to deal with his OCD and Eric wouldn't love him like he loved Eric and in the end all he would get was a whole in his life he'd never be able to fill.

But the other part of Ryan's mind, the part that sometimes got to take over moved in and smacked the OCD part around for a couple of times. It told him to go for it. It told him to grab Eric and never let go, to hold on to the one man he loved more then anything. It told him Eric would grow to accept his OCD, find it endearing in the end. It told him Eric would stay by his side no matter what. It told him this was something that could last.

When Ryan's lying in bed years later and listening to his lover breathing and feels the strong arm wrapped around his waist he can't imagine being anywhere. When Ryan's lying in bed years later he's never been more glad that he listened to whatever told his OCD to shut the fuck up.

The end.


End file.
